May 15, 2012

Pain she could take..numbness she couldn't handle. You think the other person no longer has an hold over you and then comes a phone call... and you are numb inside. If there was pain, it was easy to understand..numbness is hard to fathom. It is like a distance dream of yesteryear.. vaguely familiar but a dream.. mostly beautiful that is how she liked to remember.

They say memories are lovely. Yet she somehow couldn't think of any of them together. It seemed all hazy.. Does this mean she has moved on finally? Is freedom this feeling of detachment and numbness or is this just a phase till another object of obsession came along. Life seemed to be moving from one dream to another...
Mostly fast paced dream sometimes mind-numbing slow...so slow that you can feel every second pass by you..doing nothing just watching and you wonder what have you been waiting for..

She waited for perfect love since the time she could remember. Was it the movies that encouraged the idea, or those countless sitcoms that she and mum would watch together over a hot cup of cocoa; she didn't know. But an ideal soul-mate was what she wanted always. But every time her heart was broken and with every pain she resolved harder to get it right the next time. 

Soon the next time turned into a game of wait.. long long wait marked with extreme loneliness, frustration and sadness... then the loneliness didn't matter much.. It became a part of her, she accepted it and soon she became numb to everything around her. Nothing moved her, nothing affected her. Some would say she achieved peace finally. Some say  she is plain old hag.
" I don't know who I am anymore. I know not what is happiness, I know not sadness. I don't care for peace nor give a hoot about it! I only exist now...waiting... "

May 10, 2012

Let me cry just this one time,
I know you like to see me smile;
and laugh all the time.
But I am not the pretty doll anymore,
Let me cry just this one time.

Let me be real just this one time,
I know you don't quite like reality;
neither do I
But I can't be in a  fairy tale anymore
Let me be real just this one time.

Let me bare my soul out this one time
I know secrets are meant to be hidden
away for no one to find ..
But I cannot handle the guilty anymore
Let me bare my soul just this one time.

Let me just breathe this one time
I know the society likes order and peace
and I do not wish to displease them
But I cannot take these chains anymore
Let me just breathe this one time

May 01, 2012

Time and I


Time and I have share a history;
a history of mutual apathy,
mockery and abject dismal.
I refuse to give him his due
and he hates my guts.

       *****
Time has never learnt to wait
for he knows not what is love.
Ask me, what it is to wait..
what it is to long and cry
and feel the unbearable pain
and continue to wait...

*****
Time and I can never be friends.
Time and I have nothing in common
Time and I 
ignore each other

*****
I don't know Time anymore
Not that I knew him before
He does not affect me anymore
I live in my world with no Time..

*** 









March 03, 2012

WHEN JOURNEY MEANT MORE THAN DESTINATION



This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 25; the Silver Edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton. The topic for this month is 'When Journey Meant More Than Destination'.

Beauty was not her thing .She had ordinary wavy but stubborn hair that refused to stay and fell all over her face. The pimpled cheeks ( thank you, puberty) and the hideous glasses which she had since 9th standard, said she was anything but pretty. That made her work hard and study.
But competition was fierce; and struggling in a premium institute to prove herself was beyond the word frustration.Turns out, there were many more smarter than her, and better looking too. " Life is indeed a bitch.. " she thought. Moreover, it turned out semi stalking a guy for 3 months was not a pleasant thing either. Well, what do you do, when the guy is the smartest on campus ( who FYI had traveled abroad to present papers in conferences , and was a brilliant playwright) but look at him and give a goofy smile at every failed attempt of casual conversation.

There is always research help that one can pretend to ask. But how long can that conversation last?

Then like in any other movies, off came few tresses, and roommates who redesigned the wardrobe made her believe she was indeed a hottie. But then, she never did care much for looks, was it for him that she did it? No! She did it for herself. Yet, he did talk to her after the play . "Maybe beauty makes an impression after all, sometimes better than the brains", she thought.

And soon began the late night chats and the long walks..neither admitted anything. She wasn't sure and he wasn't ready. They talked longer hours and soon she decided to tell how she felt, he wasn't ready then. But when he was ready, she thought may be it wasn't love. The roommate who heard the stories thought both were crazy. ( not crazy in love, just the usual crazy)

They did talk later too, may be about the feelings too, I don't remember but she told me about what he said to her about their first meeting; " I noticed you in hostel mess, with glasses on and unkempt hair and knew that I could come over and talk" She figured he didn't care for her looks and those words changed her. Did they get into the relationship? No, they didn't. She told me, it wouldn't work out and they didn't want to try.

Was there any point in the whole story and talks that went on for months? Was there any point in the confession of feelings which later changed with the season? Was there any point in that long moonlight walk when he told her she looked beautiful? Perhaps not. Perhaps the point was not to be in a relationship, that is no end. There is only meeting of two worlds. Perhaps the point was not to meet but to just be in each other's presence with no end road or destination. Just the journey and the presence.


The fellow Blog-a-Tonics who took part in this Blog-a-Ton and links to their respective posts can be checked here. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.

February 06, 2012

Something to ponder on

Came across this article again via forward. I am not politically that aware yet thought I should share this here.
________________________________________________________
THE STATESMAN
Special Article
O1 February 2012
President and the Army
Must Intervene And Save The Institution
By MG Devasahayam

THE President made a profound statement while addressing the nation on the eve of the 63rd Republic Day: “While bringing about reforms and improving institutions, we have to be cautious that while shaking the tree to remove the bad fruit, we do not bring down the tree itself.” But, under her nose an institution called the Indian Army is being rudely shaken and being brought down by the very government she is presiding over. Despite being the Supreme Commander of India’s armed forces she has not even lifted a small finger to stop that.

Republic Day is an occasion of joy and celebration because on that day in 1950, “We, the People of India, gave ourselves a Sovereign, Socialist, Secular, Democratic Republic anchored on Justice, social, economic and political; Liberty of thought, expression, belief, faith and worship; Equality of status and of opportunity and to promote among them all Fraternity assuring the dignity of the individual and the unity and integrity of the Nation”.

Sixty-two years have passed and every year we go through the ritual of celebrations and parades with the armed forces in general and Army in particular in the vanguard. It is the members of these forces who have defended and protected our democracy through their valour, sacrifice and total sense of patriotism, bereft of any political ambitions as in our neighbouring countries. It is largely because of them that India stands tall as a sovereign Republic.

Among the armed forces, the Army is the largest and the most visible face. The chief of that force has a special status in the nation’s affairs, irrespective of his place in the order of precedence. The present government at the Centre has lost the faith of a vast majority of the people because of colossal failures almost on all fronts, except mortgaging the nation’s assets and resources to MNCs. Now the Chief of the Army Staff himself has lost faith in this government and has knocked the doors of the Supreme Court seeking justice.

Instead of resolving the matter amicably by rendering substantial justice to the General, worthies of the kleptocratic state have the cheek to display indulgence. They claim that even if the apex court order goes against the Army chief, the government will not summarily sack him. What morbid magnificence after treating General VK Singh in the shabbiest manner possible!
The controversy is supposed to have arisen due to different sets of records maintained on the General’s Date of Birth (DoB) in the Adjutant General (AG) and Military Secretary (MS) branches of the Army headquarters. There are facts in the public domain suggesting availability of several records and documents in the AG Branch ~ school register, matriculation certificate, father’s record of service in the Rajput Regiment, form No. IAFZ-2041 filled up in IMA ~ establishing the General’s DoB as 10 May 1951.

The MS Branch is stated to have an application form for the written entrance exam to the National Defence Academy signed by a 14/15-year-old boy and some assorted papers mentioning Singh’s DoB as 10 May 1950. The two branches have not reconciled the documents for over four decades.
The Attorney General and the MoD are sticking to the MS Branch records in determining the General’s DoB as 10 May 1950 because it is this branch which is responsible for the promotion and posting of senior army officers. This is the spin that is going around.
But a confidential communication dated 01 Jul 2011 (A/4501/01/GEN/MS(1)) from Lt.-Gen. GM Nair, Military Secretary to Defence Secretary, tells a totally different tale. On four occasions:
-No: 2 Selection Board, Sept 1996 ~ Fresh case 1970 batch for promotion to the acting rank of Brigadier;
-No: 1 Selection Board, 25 Oct 2001 ~ Fresh case 1970 batch for promotion to the acting rank of Maj. Gen;
-No: 1 Selection Board, 18/19 Sept 2003 ~ Special Review (Fresh) Case 1970 Batch for promotion to the acting rank of Maj. Gen; and
-Special Selection Board, 30 Sept 2005 ~ Fresh case 1970 Batch for promotion to the acting rank of Lt. Gen.
The date of birth of the General Officer (VK Singh) put up by the MS Branch and considered by the Selection Boards was 10 May 1951.

This means that the MS Branch had accepted, adopted and documented 10 May 1951 as the DoB for empanelling Gen. Singh for promotion and posting as Brigadier, Maj.-Gen. and Lt.-Gen. in 1996, 2001, 2003 and 2005 respectively. Where then was the dispute and the occasion for the former Amy Chiefs to talk to VK Singh in 2008 and 2009 and make him ‘accept’ 10 May 1950 as his DoB? On what grounds was the ‘statutory complaint’ of the Army Chief rejected, reportedly without the knowledge of the Prime Minister, forcing the General to go to the Supreme Court? The government owes an explanation to the people.

Looking at the state of the Republic one tends to lament and despair in the manner of Marcellus in Hamlet, having just seen the ghost of Hamlet’s father, the late king of Denmark: “Something is rotten in the state of Denmark.”

Considering the way things are being handled even by an otherwise god-fearing man like AK Antony, there seem to be ghosts looming in New Delhi. One is the MNC lobby that is incensed with General Singh’s principled opposition to the deployment of the Army to decimate the tribal population of Dandakaranya forests to hand it over to mining interests. The General had said: “We cannot do this on our own people. Naxalism is not a secessionist movement.’’
Former Admiral Vishnu Bhagwat saw another, even mightier ghost, when he said: “Former Chief Justice of India JS Verma has said Singh had brought in probity and honesty. He is being moved out just when large arms deals are going to be signed. This means that the arms lobby and a few people who are going to be affected are behind this.”

To this could be added the ‘victims’ of the tough stand taken by General Singh on corruption, particularly former Generals involved in the Sukna land scam and Adarsh Housing Society scandal.

This is probably why a specious and non-existent theory of ‘line of succession’ was dug out and touted about for rejecting the army chief’s statutory complaint. The ‘line of succession’ is a concept which is anti-democratic and related to royalty and monarchy. Why then is the Attorney General repeating this ad nauseam? Obviously in support of the MoD’s sinister agenda.

VK Singh belongs to a family that boasts a martial tradition. He hails from Bapora village in Haryana’s Bhiwani district, a district that I had the privilege of raising and building up as its first Commissioner when it was established in December 1972. This village, hardly a couple of miles from Bhiwani, had a large number of serving soldiers and ex-servicemen. Being an ex-soldier myself, I had closely interacted with the simple folk of this village.

Men of General Singh’s ilk serve and die by the Army’s standards of integrity and honesty. When men like him and the Army he commands are impaled, it is the people who bleed. Pray, does not the President, who swears by institutions, have a duty to effectively intervene and save this institution from further damage? The nation awaits an answer.

The writer is a retired IAS officer

January 25, 2012

How cow slaughter became legal in India?

I got this as a forward by Sam John , a very good friend of mine. So you see cows being sacred is not entirely a religious issue. There is something more to it than what we choose to see. So here it is:

Those were the times when India was at the peak of Mughal Rule. The rulers
of a large part of India were muslims and guess what, they had banned Cow
Slaughter in that Mughal Empire. Nobody dared to kill cows and eat beef in
that Muslim Empire.
The Mughal Empire and Cow

Babur, who invaded India all the way from Kabul and established the Mughal
Empire in India, despite being an orthodox Muslim had banned Cow Slaughter
in his empire. All successive Mughal Emperors – Humayun, Akbar, Shah Jahan,
Jehangir, Aurangazeb, and then even Ahmad Shah had banned Cow Slaughter in
their kingdoms. Hyder Ali and Tippu Sultan who ruled the Mysore State in
the present day Karnataka had made cow slaughter and beef eating a
punishable offence and the crime would be punished by cutting off the hands
of the person who committed the crime!

Today in India we have over 36000 slaughterhouses! How did this massive
turn around take place?
Cow and The Hindu Civilization

To understand that first we need to get back to the importance of cow in
the ancient Hindu civilization of India. Cows are the most sacred animals
to the Hindus and this is not without any reason. In fact the very word Cow
in English is derived from the Sanskrit word*Gau*for Cow
Hindus believe that all Gods and Goddesses live inside a Cow

One of the most important reasons is that cows have been the backbones of
Indian families and the Indian agricultural system ever since the dawn of
this ancient Hindu civilization. Apart from the extensively used Cow’s milk
which the ancient Indians used to collect only after the calf has had its
share, the most important use of Cows was in Agriculture. Without Cow the
Indian agriculture in those days was as good as gone, and this was one of
the prime reasons why Hindus being nature worshippers also worshipped Cow.

Cows had their own shelters called Gaushalas (large places where the cows
lived) which were many a times larger than the homes where people lived.
There used to be people exclusively to look after the well being of the
cows here and many a times they used to be the cow owners themselves who
used to clean the Gaushalas everyday, feed the cows, take care of their
health and so on . Every single festival of harvest had cow worship, house
warming ceremonies had the ritual of taking the cow inside the house first
and then pray to it to make the house prosper and flood with food grains,
milk and butter.


Cows being fed at a Gaushala

Note that those were the days when food was grown in a healthy natural
process. There was no industrial revolution, no artificial fertilizers, no
chemical pesticides and insecticides. The entire Indian agriculture was
based on the nature’s best fertilizer – Cow dung, and one of the nature’s
best pesticide – Cow’s urine (along with the neem based solutions) were
used extensively in the agriculture. Buttermilk again which is a derivative
of Cow’s milk was used as an effective fungicide and weedicide.

And not without any reason, the Indian agriculture in those days was
extremely productive thanks to the cow products. Farmers were happy, crops
came on time, yield was high, prices were low for food crops, kingdoms even
used to export their agricultural output, granaries were always filled,
milk was abundantly available and so were its derivatives like Butter, Ghee
etc which formed an important part of the Indian diet. Every religious
institution, big farms, farmers, diary owners all had thousands of cows –
the cows which had made the Indian economy rich and healthy.

Even today in African deserts were growing food is difficult and whatever
grows must give a rich yield for people to have adequate food, fermented
cow’s urine is used as a natural pesticide. Compare this with farmers today
who spend thousands and thousands of rupees on artificial fertilizers and
chemical pesticides, which not only make the food unhealthy, but also make
the soil unproductive over time.

Cow slaughter and slaughterhouses are banned even today in Nepal. In India,
very few are aware of the fact that Article 48 of the Indian Constitution
(Directive Principles of State Policy) says clearly that the government
must protect the cow, its progeny and other cattle used in agriculture, not
just because the cows are sacred to Hindus but because Cows have been the
backbone of Agriculture and milk production in this country ever since the
dawn of civilization. To millions of poor families in India, even today
Cow’s milk is the only source of nutrient to their kids and babies.

In India states like Jammu & Kashmir, Uttar Pradesh, Gujarat, Chattisgarh,
Madhya Pradesh, Karnataka etc have already banned Cow slaughter (Karnataka
being a very recent addition). Cuba banned cow slaughter after its people
virtually ate up all the cattle leading to a scarcity of diary products.
Even Iran has banned Cow slaughter and note that it was at the request of a
non-muslim –Seth Merwanji Framji Panday that Iran – a muslim dominated
nation banned cow slaughter. <http://www.fravahr.org/spip.php?article61> Now
compare this with India today where our politicians are prepared to sell
anything in return for votes.
British Rule and Slaughterhouses

Both Mahathma Gandhi and Pandit Nehru had declared before Independence that
they would ban Cow slaughter in India after Independence. Obviously they
didnt impose it. Why? Thanks to Robert Clive who had converted the Indian
muslims (who never ate beef till the end of Mughal era) into believing that
beef eating was their religious right. Cow slaughter had become a vote bank
issue. How? Read below.

Robert Clive – the so called Founder of the British Empire in India who was
twice the Governor of Bengal too – on entering India was astonished and
amazed to see the success of the agricultural system here. He went on
researching the reasons for the success of the Indian agriculture and
discovered the root – The Holy Indian Cow. The entire hindu life style
revolved around this animal, not just religiously, but socially. Cow was an
integral part of a Hindu family as was any other human member in the
family. He even found that in many places the total number of cattle was
more than the number of humans living there.

OK, so he decided, to break the backbone of agriculture in India – the holy
cows have to be targeted. And thus was opened the first slaughterhouse of
cows in India in 1760 by Robert Clive at Kolkata. It had a capacity to kill
30,000 cows per day. And anyone can guess within a year’s time how many
cows would have been killed. And within a century India had very little
cattle left to sustain its agricultural needs. And Britain as an
alternative started offering artificial manure, and in this manner urea,
phosphate etc started getting imported from England. Indian agriculture had
started becoming dependent on west invented artificial products and was
forced to give up home grown natural practices.

Guess what, till 1760 most of India had banned not only cow slaughter, but
also prostitution and drinking wine was banned as well. Robert Clive made
all three legal and removed the ban.

Now the British had hit two birds with a single stone by this move. The
first was to break the backbone of the Indian agriculture ie making cattle
not available for agriculture. And the second?

Well, obviously Hindus did not work as butchers at the slaughter houses
opened by the British. And of course the British were well known for their
divide and rule policies which they practiced throughout their colonial
kingdoms then. So what did they do? Well, they hired muslims as butchers
and this was done in almost every slaughterhouse they opened. And this
slowly pushed the muslims into believing that beef eating was their
religious right.

What the Mughal empire had banned had been turned into a practice by the
British empire. What Babur and Akbar termed as a crime was converted into a
norm by Robert Clive. And today the soil of India is filled with artificial
fertilizers and pesticides while the holy Cow cries in the slaughterhouses.
While there were over 70 breeds of cows in the country at the time of
independence, today we have only 33 and even among them many breeds are
facing extinction.

Guess what happened to the man who started all this? Robert Clive became a
opium addict and later committed suicide by stabbing himself with a pen
knife after being unable to withstand the pain caused by the illness that
had resulted from opium addiction.

If you like to read more You can check out:
Origin And History Of Cow Slaughter And Beef Eating In
India<http://www.hitxp.com/articles/history/origin-cattle-holy-cow-slaughterhouse-beef-conspiracy-india/>
PUBLISHED JUN 28, 2010, UNDER: HISTORY<http://www.hitxp.com/articles/history/>
http://www.hitxp.com/articles/culture/sanskrit-greek-english-latin-roman-words-derived-pie-proto-indo-european-language/